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Need to do a wedding roast and need some good wedding and marriage jokes? Here is the wedding roast routine by comedian Paul Diamond Blow that he used at his friends Dayne and Kristin's wedding party. Feel free to steal these jokes for your own wedding roast, but don't forget to change the name of the poor bride and groom!

Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here tonight at the world famous Tiger Lounge to celebrate Kristin's wedding... and Dayne's funeral.

Comon now... I was at the wedding. It was a Las Vegas wedding held at the Graceland Chapel. Elvis Presley was there... but come on you guys, you could've done a little bit better with the Elvis impersonator, a little bit better. Comon, last time I checked Elvis Presley did NOT have a soul patch.

It was a beautiful ceremony. Dayne and Kristin actually recited poetry to each other on the alter. I loved the poetry, you guys, really I did, but I gotta tell you... Dr. Seuss ain't got nothing to worry about... nothing to worry about.

It was a beautiful thing hearing Kristin recite those two words -- "I do." And Dayne recited those five words... "I'll give it a shot."

Danger Dayne actually made Kristin sign a prenuptial agreement. Yeah. He said, "I love ya babe, but you ain't gettin' my tightey whiteys. Ain't getting 'em."

On the other hand, Kristin informs me that she will NOT be changing her last name to Porras. Instead, she'll be taking the name Del Fecio Hernandez Jr. -- Says she likes the sound of it better.

Did you guys know that Dayne and Kristin have been married for a week now and still have NOT consumated their marriage? Dayne REFUSES to make love to his wife... he says it's unhonorable to have sex with a married woman.

Seriously, you guys, marriage is a special thing. I should know, I'm married in five states. The judge said "That's bigamy," and I said, "yes, your Honor, that is big of me."

Seriously though, it was an inspiring wedding. It was so inspiring that the next day I went to the nearest chapel and legally married myself. You can do that in Las Vegas. You can do ANYTHING in Las Vegas, am I right? Am I right? WROOOOOONGGGGG! IN Las Vegas you cannot, I repeat -- you CANNOT -- run through the desert naked and NOT get a sunburn. I found out the hard way.

We had a good time in Vegas, didn't we? Didn't we? We gambled a little bit... how about the best man, Uncle Dan. The best man, the BETTER man... Uncle Dan had a good run on the slots in Vegas. I watched Uncle Dan get TEN bonus rounds in a row! The sad part is the game paid out in mexican jumping beans.

Hey, that's better than I did. I lost a little bit of money, but you know what? I just gamble for laughs. In Vegas I laughed away my house, my car... but hey, I did better than Wes over there. Poor Wes lost 1000 dollars playing the ATM machine! What's up with that? How do you do that? The poor guy didn't even get a bonus round.

But hey, we had a lot of fun in Vegas and we're having fun tonight, so in conclusion I'd just like to say... Dayne, congratulations! And Kristin... BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!


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